Passionate Mom with Feelings

Sometimes I think seeing a grown adult crying is difficult compared to seeing a child cry. You know when you are truly crying for something you love the emotion is so revealing and leaves one looking extremely vulnerable.

I felt exactly that. I heard myself crying for my little girl and realizing I was drenched in tears and could hardly breathe because I was crying so hard. I'm sure if I had looked in the mirror I would have cried more.

Every time I've seen an adult cry for a loved one for whatever reason it brings out the raw emotions within me. I instantly feel a connection through the emotion.

As time would have it my passion as a Mom and my feelings are left so everyone can see. I'm having such a tough time being with L and looking at her little face everyday knowing that when I leave I won't see that beautiful smile for months. Or the fact that I can't stare at those pretty eyes or do her hair for her. I'm going to miss her baby smell and holding her every second I can. I'm going to miss her sweet kisses. I will miss our quality time together everyday. When I say L is my heart, she is my whole heart and I can't imagine life without her.

I'm sure "time will fly" as it always does. But knowing I will miss crucial moments of L's life and not being there for her as I always am, pains me.

Being a Mom is my life's calling. God chose me to be a Mother and like a Mother should I want to be there for everything. I'm currently feeling guilty for having taken on this job as a Soldier because my first priority will always be my daughter and my family.

I know without this job I can't help support my family and give them the things they deserve. I took this on knowing I could do anything but also knowing sacrifices like time with my loved ones would be made.

Rough times but thankful for the blessings and praying that my heart stays strong for L when I'm away from her. Being a Mom will always be the best thing in life besides being my husband's wife.